California Again

                Coming home to America after 13 months in Korea was full of difficult choices: Do I stay or do I go?  How do I say goodbye to new friends and my girlfriend?  What do I do next?  And of course, the most difficult question: What youtube video do I post on my Facebook wall?  Notorious B.I.G.’s “Goin Back to Cali” or LedZeppelin’s “Going To California”?  Biggie’s ode to the West Coast was triumphant, vain, but I wasn’t feeling like that.  When I was packing my bags on August 28^th I felt sad with a tear in my eye.  Where had this year gone?  Already it’s over—but I feel like I just got here.  By the time I finished packing, the morning of the 29^th, I felt the heartbreak of leaving a place that I learned to love and saying 안녕히 계세요 to all of the people I connected with.  It was with a heavy heart that I chose Led Zeppelin’s transient love song…

“…Going to California with an aching in my heart…”

                Now it’s those difficult choices I made that I will remember the most about this experience in Koera: Just coming to Korea, in the first place, was such a dramatic decision that I’m still dealing with all the catch-up back home, nostalgia, and new opportunities that are now available.  For example, I’m planning on getting CELTA certified with St. Giles in San Francisco; that will be expensive, intense, and open the door for more international travel and teaching.  Another big decision was mustering up the courage to talk to my girlfriend.  It made my time in Korea even more special, but I still feel the heartbreak of leaving her and leaving Korea, I may feel this for a long time; that might be just the consequence of choosing to love and being loved.

                Sadly, I regret not updating this blog the most.  I looked at the Little Wolf Express today, saw that I hadn’t written anything since June, and I felt the pang of missed opportunity.  Why couldn’t have I put forth more effort?  Why didn’t I write more?  I remember that there were nights where, as I closed my eyes, I fleetingly thought that I should jump onto the computer and write about my day, work, my love life—everything—but I didn’t.  Instead, I closed my eyes, slept, and the next night the same thing happened.  The simplest choices still haunt me, but I’m doing my best to rectify them now.  Despite my regret and heartbreak, I can only smile as I look forward and reflect after my time in Korea.

                Far from being over, this blog needs new life breathed back into it.  There are so many stories and anecdotes that I want to share about beautiful Korea and the wonderful people I met.  I want my family and friends, all over the world, to enjoy my stories as I orchestrate my delicate insights and ridiculous adventures.  (Plus, I want to be a resource for anyone who might be curious about travelling to Korea or teaching English.)  Even though I’m back in the US, the events and decisions from Korea still live within me and they’re itching to be heard and felt.  Sitting down to write them out is the beginning.  Thanks for being with me this far, it was a good choice to stick around; I’ll make it worth your while.